we are spiraling to an end
by sanskrits
Summary: — the wind comes and it takes too much.


**for the QLFC, Season 6, Round 11:**

 **CAPTAIN: Uzumaki — Junji Ito**

 **thanks to for betaing!**

 **wc (barred a/n): 1325**

 **a/n: the prompt provided is about a town plagued by a curse made of spirals (as Wikipedia tells me) so i interpreted this as something that could relate to Voldemort's reign of terror during the First Wizarding War.**

. . .

Lily feels a storm coming. The Dark Mark looms over the world like a curse, green clouds waiting to rain hail on her home. Sometimes she wishes that she could form a shield over the things she cares about, as if it's as easy as a _Protego_ to keep the darkness away.

Lily wishes things were easy. Instead, she's pregnant as a war looms on the horizon. She might have to bring a baby into a world that's much too cruel to live in. There are doubts in the back of her head and there is fear deep inside her heart — will she live to see her baby grow up? Will James?

Will the baby grow up with her?

Lily pushes these thoughts away most days and tries to pretend it will be okay. All she has is love for her child, love for James, love for the world, and it will have to be enough. Lily believes, truly, that love is enough. It has to be.

Why else is she doing this, fighting against this powerful surge of wind? For the sunshine, for the belief that it won't last forever. It can't. There are mightier things.

The storm will not stay, she tells herself. The sunshine will return.

. . .

People are disappearing, dropping dead. There is green smoke hovering above their houses. There are storm clouds in the air.

Marlene reads her the news sometimes, when the pregnancy is trouble and Lily is curious.

"Two more disappearances," she reads out of the _Prophet,_ voice grim. "Lily —"

"Go on," Lily says resolutely. She needs to know about the damage. She must.

Marlene inhales deeply. "Two dead bodies found burned, unidentifiable as of right now. Karen — Karen Snow — I knew her, Lily, from Hogwarts," she says, tears welling in her eyes. "She was a nice girl. She's dead."

"She didn't deserve it," sighs Lily. "None of these people do."

"She was Muggle-born." Marlene's voice is fearful now. Her red hair is falling in her face and she hasn't bothered to push it away. Lily's pretty sure she's trying to hide the fact that she's crying. "Things are getting worse everywhere, Lily. And with that baby on the way, I'm not sure —"

"If they come for us, we fight," Lily says, determined.

"What about when the baby comes?" she asks. "What then? Will the child fight, too?"

Lily has no answer to give. She doesn't know.

. . .

As much as she tries to pretend she isn't bothered by the war and that she's not scared of what may come, Lily worries.

"James," she asks him one night, "do you think we — we should go into hiding?"

"Why?" He furrows his brow at her the way she likes, and she smiles softly seeing it. Lily wants things to stay this way. Happy. Peaceful, almost. The undercurrent of fear in her skin is electrifying and she hates it.

"Marlene said something to me the other day, and it got me thinking… how safe are we? With the baby on the way and everything. It just — I want to keep this kid safe. I don't know — I — how are we going to do this?" She's stuttering and her voice is a little shaky and she doesn't think she can carry on like this. Brazen, uncaring, ready to fight.

"We can fight whatever comes our way," he reassures her.

"But what's the cost of that?" asks Lily. "What if our kid doesn't know us because we fought too much? What if we don't make it out?"

James turns over on the bed. He exhales, a long sigh.

"I don't know, Lily. I — I really don't know."

. . .

Lily is almost at her due date when the news breaks.

Marlene is dead. All her family is dead. The McKinnons are gone, wiped away, another piece of history, more casualties.

"Not Marlene," Lily whispers at the funeral. She rests her head on James's shoulder, letting her tears fall on his coat. "She was so strong. She can't have — she can't be dead… she was supposed to — to get with Sirius, she was supposed to have a life, I — she just can't be dead!"

"I'm sorry," James says. "She was wonderful. The world isn't."

"How did we get here?" Lily wonders. "It feels like yesterday — I was on the Express for the first time… this seemed like a wonderful place back then. It's not, James, it's not… oh, Merlin, _Marlene…_ "

. . .

When her baby is born, just looking at him and his eyes (her eyes, she notices), watching him smile, Lily forgets about everything for a moment. There is no war, no storm, no Voldemort, no Dark Mark, no Death Eaters. Only magic — the good kind, the light kind. The kind that brought her Harry.

She holds him and remembers.

Will he grow up in a world of terror? Will the storm take him from her? Doubt returns to her with full force, but the fear is stronger. It thrums in her heart, it flows through her blood. Lily is happy, so happy, but she is terrified.

What happens if the Death Eaters come for her? What happens when the storm tears her house down?

. . .

"We have to hide," Lily tells James that night. Her voice is fast and it rises in pitch and she is frightened, she is so frightened. "Harry's here now and I can feel it, I know that something might happen, I'm scared out of my mind. We have to hide. I can't find peace otherwise, James. This kid changes everything."

"We need the Fidelius charm," James says. "We can't keep going on like this. Harry — he's just — we have to do this. We have to keep him safe."

"We'll talk to Dumbledore tomorrow," Lily replies resolutely. "We're going to stay together, we're going to be safe. I promise."

. . .

"Sirius, you should be our Secret-Keeper."

"You — really? I'm honored — you really want _me_ —"

"Yes, you bloody idiot. Who else? You're the godfather, aren't you?"

"Don't remind me of that either."

. . .

"Lily, I know that You-Know-Who is coming for you and I don't know — I'm not sure my Secret-Keeping is the safest option." Sirius is anxious, Lily can tell. He doesn't want them resting on his shoulders. She doesn't blame him for it — she can't. She'd do the same thing if she was in his position.

But there's been a prophecy. And it's going to target Harry.

Harry, Lily's joy, Lily's _son._ She'd do anything to keep him safe.

So when Sirius suggests throwing the Death Eaters off by using Peter… she says yes. It feels wrong as she does it, but she holds James's hand to ease the anxiety. Everything is wrong nowadays. The storm is nearing; its winds are blowing at Lily's hair. She hates the feeling of it.

. . .

It was a mistake, a mistake, a mistake —

James is gone. She'd seen the light in the living room. He hadn't taken his wand.

It was a mistake, a mistake, a mistake not to trust her gut, a mistake to let the wind brush her face, a mistake to believe she could power through the wrong feelings —

She's paying the price now. There's a storm at her house and it ripped the door off its hinges and the walls are gone and there's wind, there's rain, there's hail, it's pouring. It's too much, it's too cold, and all of Lily's fears are coming true. This is the product of her nightmares. It feels surreal, in a way, detached, as she watches the eye of the storm in front of her — she passes it —

It consumes her.

Lily shields Harry from the worst of it with her last breaths.

Her still-open eyes gaze at her child in front of her, faced by harsh gray winds. They do not see.


End file.
